staying faithful : a decided end to career confusion

People…you are going to laugh because I’ve sung this song before…but I’ve finally made peace with the career confusion that has held a less-than-cherished place in my life ever since the first time someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I had no idea how to answer the question.

Because when I was at Making Things Happen, (and, by the way, who is up for The Challenge??? come on, people!) I kept hearing myself say the same thing over and over when we were asked what we wanted to make happen. And, as per above paragraph, I had no idea how to answer that question. Everyone else had really great answers – businesses and goals and families -  and I admittedly went without a tangible item to make happen. But one thing made it’s way from my heart to my lips all day long and shocked me with it’s fervor:

I want to live a life that is faithful to the Lord and to who He created me to be.

That is my career.

God did not design me to be a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher. He did not place a single dream in my heart that was meant to be followed directly to a paycheck. He did not give me an easy answer for what to do and how to do it.

I’ve not been a fan of that decision. But finally, I am so grateful for it.

Because what He did give me was a passion for a thousand different things: writing, photography, beauty in any and all forms, magazines, food, food photography, laughter, mentoring, encouraging, love, love, love, athletic challenges, running, design, color, FOOTBALL! He gave me the gift of passion – that overwhelming nose-to-toes fire about everything from oatmeal to peonies to Lambeau Leaps. And He gave me the gift of Himself; the gift of knowing Him personally and daily seeking to know Him more.

Those two things? Desiring faithfulness to the Lord and faithfulness to the real person He created me to be? More than enough. They are more than enough. What more could I possibly ask for?

So if that means that I live in Rochester and do a handful of jobs that’s ok because the people I love live in this state and I know where all the best food lives too. And if that means that I move south to see the sun for more than 3 months a year then glory, glory, hallelujah, I’ll start rejoicing and praying for my hair to suddenly be able to withstand humidity with more than mild success. If that means that I go to Green Bay and line up to shovel snow from the stadium on weekends and dress in nothing but green and gold from August – February then I’ll be sure to pack tissues because we all know how well the first trip went as far as buckets of joyful tears are concerned.

What that means is that I finally believe Galatians 5:

 ^22-23But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

 ^25-26Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.

There is no grand conclusion. I do not now nor will I ever have a job title to attach to the question, “But what do you want to do?”. All I know is that I want to do this:

^12-13 So now Israel, what do you think God expects from you? Just this: Live in his presence in holy reverence, follow the road he sets out for you, love him, serve God, your God, with everything you have in you, obey the commandments and regulations of God that I’m commanding you today—live a good life.

[ Deuteronomy 10:12-13 ]

That’s all. And that’s enough.

beka stays faithful : thoughts on decisions

Tomorrow I’ll be training someone to take my former job at Anthropologie, so I’ll be working what was a normal day for most of the summer: opening at Anthropologie, closing at Breathe. 7am to 10pm for a total of 15 hours, or 14.5 if you count the half hour it takes to drive from one place of employment to the other. After doing that for the majority of the week I’d also work a wedding on Saturday for my photography job. And then I’d wonder why I couldn’t motivate myself to be the model of productivity on Sundays.

Now, there must have been a point at which I thought working three different jobs (four, if you count the weddings I shot on my own this summer) was a good idea. In fact, I recall being fairly certain that it was a good idea, otherwise I wouldn’t have done it. I thought that the challenge would be a positive one, the opportunities would be to my benefit, and the entire experience would result in the kind of personal growth that bestsellers are made of.

But I don’t think it was actually a good idea, because I only have fuzzy memories from the past 2 months of my life, and that’s never good. They consist of pre-sunrise mornings and post-sunset evenings. Lots of driving. Trying my best to talk myself out of being tired. Losing touch with the nouns that make my life happily unique – things like baking and blogging and exercising and football-following and friend-visiting.

Looking back, it seems like the decision to put so many hours on my timecard was not one of my best. It was far from horribly awful or life-changing,  just not one of the decisions I would point to when listing the Top Ten Best Calls I’ve Ever Made. But it wasn’t a choice I made on a whim. It was something that I prayed about, talked to family and friends about, and spent a lot of time considering before moving forward.

Consequently, it’s given me a chance to reflect on how I make decisions. How to tell what my head is saying and what my heart is saying and which to give the microphone to on a given issue. How I pray about decisions and ask for wisdom. How I listen after I ask. Or sometimes forget to listen. And how to adhere to good old fashioned common sense. If something seems like a bad idea, it probably is.

I’m pretty sure that most decisions are not cut and dry (which is probably why I hate them…I need something concrete!). I’m also pretty sure that there are reasons for my brief employment situation that I don’t know about or can’t see from where I’m currently standing. And I’m also pretty sure that wading through the outcomes of all sorts of decisions is an important element in personal and spiritual growth.

ALL of that being said (this was supposed to be a short post! I need to go to bed!), I’d still like to make sure that I’m staying faithful when it comes to decision making: centered in Christ, allowing him to guide me rather than trying to figure out the best plan of attack on my own. And remembering that God is sovereign. He’s not thrown into a tizzy when I chose Plan B instead of Plan A.

In closing, this, from Isaiah 55:

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.
¹⁰ As the rain and the snow
   come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
   without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
   so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
   It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
   and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

and this, from James 1:

⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

And since I’m still up…I might as well finish watching the Jets/Cowboys game. I mean, it is one of the things that makes my life happily unique. (I’ll let you know if it ends up being a regrettable decision when my alarm goes off at 5:30am tomorrow morning.)